Complaining. It’s something we have all done from time to time, and something quite a large number of us are proficient at. We have abundant practice from several GW bashing threads, normal life, and anything involving teenagers, which I happen to number amongst. But what does whining actually accomplish? Well, if you listen to your parents and some politicians then it does nothing. But I am not so sure, I think it can do more than any of us imagine, ranging from the gaming table to your most recent purchase. Whining works for this hobby in pretty much every aspect!

The Battlefield
Whining on the battlefield is a very common occurrence, but it is very rarely used correctly, or to anyone’s advantage. I believe that it can be used to effectively force your opponent to do what you want, far more effectively than a unit of march-blockers or a hammer unit. How so? Well, first, an example:

I was fighting against a particularly cheesy Dwarf player at 1,500 points, one who insisted on being allowed a hill two feet long, an entire foot high, with steps for all his missile troops. I was pretty sure that entitled me to double his points worth of troops, but didn’t mention it. Anyways, he only had two blocks of troops that could actually fight well in close combat, one of Longbeards and one of Hammerers. I brought a fairly TVI list, using it to engage his two blocks and defeat them, while using 15 knights in three units to rush his hill and engage the ranged units. As the bulk of my army was vulnerable to shooting, I decided to rave about my knights being so good, and, when they got shot at, whining about how much they were costing me. This made him direct over 800 points of shooting at about 400 points of troops. Well worth it, I thought. I went on to clean up his blocks and move my blocks to finish off his missile troops on the hill.

In this example whining was quite effective, and I believe that you too can whine effectively. You may no longer be a natural, especially if you have left your teen years behind, but I am sure that you can still do it. If you work for the government, in road work, or a variety of tasks you probably are quite fluent at whining, even if only through observation and not practice. But here are a few tips for you illiterate whiners out there:

When whining you must make sure that you actually have at least something of a point! If you are whining about the power of your opponents 8 Power Dice, you are probably scraping the bottom of the barrel. Instead, whine about something in a sort of reverse psychology way. If you don’t want someone to shoot your main blocks whine about how your knights were so much better in the previous edition, and can now be shot to pieces far easier. It doesn’t matter if it isn’t true, but it may make your opponents rethink their strategies. If this doesn’t work, whine about how well he placed one of his units, and how much it will hurt you if he moves/does not move -it. This is actually a very sound tactic, and has worked for me on many occasions against all armies.

Of course, your success will vary by opponent, as some will think about what you say, some will only subconsciously consider it, and others will be all but immune to it. I advise engaging in conversation with your opponent as soon as possible, if you do not know him/her, as the more you interact with him, the more you learn. I do this when I go into my local GW, as I hardly know anyone there as are so many people who come. I can generally play someone I have not played before, but I try to get them to get a soda with me first, so we can chat and scout each other out. It often works for me, and I believe you too can use this to your advantage!

When you are planning to whine to get an advantage it is generally a good idea to know something of the makeup of your foes list, and what his fears are. When he puts his troops on the table you should learn enough to know what the threats will be, but his fears are another matter. If you are able to get him to go for a snack or something else, start with a gaming horror story! Tell of how one of your units was absolutely demolished by something or other, and ask him if he has any stories like that. If you are lucky he will tell a story, and then say something like “in my current army list…” and tell you something about one of his units. This can be very useful in letting you know what to whine about!

Once you know what he fears, you can integrate this into your whining plan. If he fears massed troops, but your battle plan is based on them, whine about your few elite soldiers! If he fears fast troops, but you need your fast troops more than anything, whine about how much you hate having your numbers being whittled down in your close combat units. All you have to do for most opponents is a little reverse psychology.

EDIT:
But there are also those opponents who are not as susceptible to a little reverse psychology. What do you then, you ask? Well, a little more thought, and a lot more tact, is required! Instead of whining about what you want him to do, whine about what you don’t want him to do! Some people think that once something has been mentioned he can’t do that, as it is now too obvious! So, just mention how good a move it would be if he were to charge such and such a unit, or were to move this unit here, or something like that. However, this tactic works best on more experienced players, as younger ones will simply assume you are tying to help them, and actually take your advice! Not good, eh?

An Example:
I was playing against a fairly proficient Brettonian player, and found myself facing a conundrum: I could either accept a charge from one of his lances with my detachment next turn, or charge him with one of my knightly orders this turn. What I really wanted to happen, however, was charge the unit of Nilla knights next turn, as they might hold, and then I could flank with half the known world. So I started whining about how it looked like I was going to use one of my detachments, and that they were the strength of the Empire list. Being experienced he instantly knew to reverse everything I said, and charged my knightly order. They held, and I overwhelmed his biggest lance!

So just remember to find out what kind of thinker your opponent is, otherwise you will end up hurting yourself more than your opponent!

PURCHASING
Of course, beyond the battlefield, there is the entire Purchasing aspect of our delectable little hobby! How many times have you entered your local GW, hobby store or other model purchasing venue anticipating by some great new unit, only to have your girlfriend/mother/companion get on your case about how much time you spend on your hobby? Well, when all hope seems lost and they will not listen to reason, whine! An example:
(P.S. Try to acquire some siblings if you can, they make such great targets for whining. They can generally picked up for the price of a limo ride and some Margaritas for your parents.)

I wanted to buy a Wood Elf Battalion Box Set, but my mom thought that $90 was a ludicrous amount to spend all at once on little toy soldiers! Of course, logic did not apply in this situation, so I had to whine. I started first on how my brother had recently broken his Nintendo DS Lite, and she had bought him a new one. Of course, he had done so in a fit of anger, and I thought it was messed up that he hadn’t faced any consequences. I immediately set about this new tack, and had soon accomplished my goal.

When it comes to girlfriend’s a whole new plan of action is required. But I find that if you buy her a dozen roses with some chocolates, kiss her in front of your guy friends, and then watch a chick flick with her, she hardly cares WHAT you do. In fact, whining doesn’t help in this case.