Topic: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle - The Legend

[McKnight]

Why? At least the exact reason for its unfairness would be nice.

Midaski laid down the gauntlet for the Inquistion, he's not being unfair, he's being sneaky, and all power to him.






EDIT:
* = Failure of Inquisition to spot Test Heretical Posting 

Interesting one here? Isn't the author an Inquisitor   Do I detect dissent in the ranks - testing the leader's abilities ............... 

Here I have proof that Ostermarker has decieved the Holy order and brought shame upon it by being guilty of cooperating in a razzia against the Holy Order.

I hereby rip off your holy comet and rank of the witch hunter and will be degraded to 2nd stable boy of the holy stables.
In addition you will complete a cleansing ceremony where you will pray at the Altar of the most holy for two sunrises while inhaling toxic incest smoke bought cheap at some corner booth outside the temple (anyone wishing to buy from there, it is called "Git Ur Reel Relix hear! Cheep Cheep, bones amung other stoff").
Now... To make sure you are not a heretic and only but the Inquisition in a bad position (which you agreed not to do when being forced into the ranks of inexperienced witch hunters. You will be sentenced to trial by soup!

You will be served 3 bowls of soup. One Hen soup, one Ox soup and one carrot soup. Should you burn your tounge, cough, spill any soup or slurp while eating these 3 bowls of soup, you will be condemned witch and a proper execution conviction will be decided.

[Midaski]

Surely if it is the soup test, you should add more flavour to the proceedings with an assalt and pepper conviction .....................




I think Ostermarker has made his defense on this matter.
The incident occurred before I suggested he spy for me he joined the Inquisition.

[Ostermarker]

I am bowled over by your mercy Herr McKnight.
Though I doubt you could say I've been Henning around with my rolls, always performing my duties with the purity of 24 carrot gold.

Considering I'm trying to out-bad-pun Midaski, I doubt this is going to be a good defense.

[lonearcher]

Oh my god! I can’t believe that guy in the Elector’s Forum is so clueless (not to name names but the amphibious puppet guy) about this Inquisition thing – I nearly fell off my chair laughing. But I’m at work and I had to say something.

Keep up the funniness and …

Viva los Inquisition! Olé!

BTW: has any of you read Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s Good Omens? Hilarity ensues.

BTWW: I’ve got an extra can of tar-oil if Kermit won’t bring his own.

[Midaski]

You have to remember that a lot of people do not go all round all of the boards.

I am sur ethat several never visit the CT and probably have no idea what is going on with this Inquisition thing - they may even think it is some form of Junior Pretend Mods Kindergarten Class .......





 

................. hmmmmmm maybe considering the general level of inquisitor behaviour, maybe that isn't to far off the truth ..................

[McKnight]

Oh my god! I can’t believe that guy in the Elector’s Forum is so clueless (not to name names but the amphibious puppet guy) about this Inquisition thing – I nearly fell off my chair laughing. But I’m at work and I had to say something.

Keep up the funniness and …

Viva los Inquisition! Olé!

BTW: has any of you read Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s Good Omens? Hilarity ensues.

BTWW: I’ve got an extra can of tar-oil if Kermit won’t bring his own.

Lol yea
How dare he question the inquisition!

Ostermarker, it seems Wyzer1 has pardoned you. Finnish your soup and get out of here...

Now to another pressing matter.
Rufas' absence or mental absence have left the inquisition with little firewood and little money. Now... We have started to ration our firewood and chop up the convicted's furniture to finance their own burnings.
I Vote that we use a newly thought tax.. The Post tax. The number of posts determine the number of Gold Crowns a person has to pay to our tax collector*.
This should quickly solve our little money problem and allow us to buy firefood  from Nordland.

*Members of this Organisation will not be taxed.

[Midaski]

Certainly McKnight.

Of course all taxes have to be sanctioned and collected by the Chancellor's Office. You may apply for an application form.

Of course as well all taxes raised by any other authorised bodies within the Empire, apart from the Lord Chancellor's Office, are then subject to a tax on that tax.

Then there is the administration fee, and the collection fee.

My scribes have done the calculations, and for every 100 ducats you charge your targets, we will be happy to pass on your share of 3 ducats.

Thank you for your contributions - have a nice day.

 


PS. You might consider a burger stall at the local market - who knows you might even get to be running 3 or 4 in a few years time .......................



PPS. Do not forget to apply for your market trader's license from the Chancellor's Office.

[lonearcher]

You have to remember that a lot of people do not go all round all of the boards.

I was laughing because he was sooo offended.

Oh well …

Here’s an answer to the Inquisition’s wood shortage.

Heretics are Witches.
Witches ride broomsticks.
Broomsticks are made of wood.
Wood is lighter than water.
So Witches must float on water.
Because Witches are made of wood.
And Heretics are made of wood.

Let’s burn Heretics!
 

[Wyzer1]

Oh my god! I can’t believe that guy in the Elector’s Forum is so clueless (not to name names but the amphibious puppet guy) about this Inquisition thing – I nearly fell off my chair laughing. But I’m at work and I had to say something.

Keep up the funniness and …

Viva los Inquisition! Olé!

BTW: has any of you read Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s Good Omens? Hilarity ensues.

BTWW: I’ve got an extra can of tar-oil if Kermit won’t bring his own.

Im assuming you were talking about Kermitthefrog3? Ya, his reply was a lot more .. harsh before I sent him a PM and he agreed to tone it down a bit  . I think we kind of hit a softspot because we were OT and he wanted hit thread answered (I thought we had done a good job in the first few posts, but I guess not)

I was kind of worried eventually we would end up picking on the wrong member, I dont know why I guess I just figured someone named after kermitthefrog would have a good sense of humor 

Regarding Ostermarker, I kind of pardoned him in the other thread... my bad

Alright, instead of an unconditionally full pardon, here's what were going to do. You do our taxes and submit them to the "Instrument in Killing the System And Denouncing the Inquisitorial Meaning"  (What an acronym, eh?)

[lonearcher]

I hereby rip off your holy comet and rank of the witch hunter and will be degraded to 2nd stable boy of the holy stables.
In addition you will complete a cleansing ceremony where you will pray at the Altar of the most holy for two sunrises while inhaling toxic incest smoke bought cheap at some corner booth outside the temple (anyone wishing to buy from there, it is called "Git Ur Reel Relix hear! Cheep Cheep, bones amung other stoff").
Now... To make sure you are not a heretic and only but the Inquisition in a bad position (which you agreed not to do when being forced into the ranks of inexperienced witch hunters. You will be sentenced to trial by soup!

I think you meant incense. But then again this may be a slip-up.
You may yourself not be tried for crimes but your offspring may be suspect. And should they produce more fingers than common respectable Empire citizenry then they may be tried as broomsticks, I mean Heretics.

[Ostermarker]

Surely we shouldn't pay tax, but at the public burnings, we could have food stalls, and possibly a souvenir stall?

[Erwin Moltz]

http://www.secretlivesofmobs.com/index.php?strip_id=3

[Wyzer1]

http://www.secretlivesofmobs.com/index.php?strip_id=3

lol, what a good and rightous inquisitor 

Was that made for us or a coincidence? He looks an aweful lot like my warrior priest on horse   

[FVC]

Out of curiosity, is being an elf-lover a burnable offence?

Fine If we can't get along WE SHALL NUKE THEM ALL!!! What we do is present my idea to the emperor and then use the nuke battery to nuke the following people:

-HE- don't like 'em      Alright, makes sense
-DE- Just plain wrong  Sure, but the witch elves are teh hot!
-WE- Well I've nuked the other two whats the point in not finishing the job???   Exactely
-TK-Evil mummies must die   Nukes + Mummies = Fun
-HoC- Why not?   Wait, your only reason for killing the bane of all existence is "Why not"!?  WTF?
-Bretitand- don't like 'em   Lets just threaten them and take over their land. They are kind of close, fallout might suck
-Dwarfs- Just for messing up the NC fluff ending   Are we bringing back "Death To Walters" ?
-Stirland- Nobody likes them anyways
-Sylvania- The only way to kill a vampire is a 300ton nuclear warhead (or a wooden stick)
-Ogre Kingdoms- Uh... They have stinky farts
-Cathay- Teach you not to have an army book!!
-Lustria- Lets just use this as a testing ground (maybe we found a way to kill 2nd gen slanns!)

[Wyzer1]

Out of curiosity, is being an elf-lover a burnable offence?

In short, No...

*turns around*

Now where were we ladies...                                                 

[McKnight]

Out of curiosity, is being an elf-lover a burnable offence?

In short, No...

*turns around*

Now where were we ladies...                                                 

What ladies? ...they are all men...

[Captain Tineal]

They look like ladies in their dresses, with their long, beautiful hair, and their pretty, delicate features... *ahem*

[FVC]

Yeah, but even then, I'd rather go with the feminine beauty of a Dark Elf man than the testosterone-pumped coarseness of a dwarf woman.

[lonearcher]

Woe to me!
After reading the past few posts.
Libido has abandoned me.
Twisted visions of a burly dwarf female having relations with an effeminate dark elf male.
Erase these awful thoughts!
Return to the topic at hand …

Edit:
(I think Slaanesh already infiltrated …)

[Wyzer1]

Out of curiosity, is being an elf-lover a burnable offence?

In short, No...

*turns around*

Now where were we ladies...                                                 

What ladies? ...they are all men...

   

Alright, as High Inquisitor I am now requiring all Inquisitors to take a training course in telling the difference between Elf Males, and Elf Females. I am also requiring everyone to take a course in telling the difference between Dwarf Males and Females (worth 8 credits, its a difficult course)

Now for the love of Sigmar, please get off that topic before we get accused of consorting with Slaanesh!
 

[HoS]

Wyzer1, I don't think anyone is accusing you of that...I for one already have you slated away as "guilty," and I'm sure most everyone else agrees with me.

As the Anti-Lector, I hereby subject you and the entire Inquisitorial staff to read the ENTIRE Order of the Stick Online collection by the end of today.


wait... where's the punishment part?

[Wyzer1]

Wyzer1, I don't think anyone is accusing you of that...I for one already have you slated away as "guilty," and I'm sure most everyone else agrees with me.

As the Anti-Lector, I hereby subject you and the entire Inquisitorial staff to read the ENTIRE Order of the Stick Online collection by the end of today.


wait... where's the punishment part?

uh.. no

Your jurisdiction does not apply here newb. I thought you were joining the darkside the inquisition anyways?

[McKnight]

Announcement:

Due to the high request for warrior priests and arch lectors for the Imperial armies, the inquisition will take up some of the religious jobs in th e Sigmarite churches.
The inquisition will instate inquisitors to hear your confessions as the role of confessors*. All confessions will happen under the same anonymous ways like always. But we will install a lock in the confessional.

So please feel free to come to your local Sigmarite church and go to confession. Absolutely nothing has changed and you can tell us all of your secrets!

*We will just change a little thing. Our inquisitors are not getting paid for listening to confessions, we have agreed to this pact with the Sigmarite church under our conditions, we get to burn those we deem heretics. Remember that our inquisitors get paid per burned heretic.


End of announcement

[Erwin Moltz]

There are dwarf females? i thought dwarfs came out of holes in the ground...

[Rufas the Eccentric]

Remember that our inquisitors get paid per burned heretic.

You have forgoten the money to be made in selling the confiscated property of the toasted!  I have always found that to be much more lucrative the the per body rate.  Perhaps this is why so many heretics seem to be in the upper middle class.

There are dwarf females? i thought dwarfs came out of holes in the ground...

This is a common misconception owing to the tendency of Dwarf females remaining in the relative safety of the holds.  It is also a misconception that Dwarf females sport beards.  Rather, through my acquaintance with Two-Ton Sally I can confirm their facial hair is more akin to the stubble a man might have after a week of not shaving.  I have no knowledge whatsoever how this feels as our friendship is completely platonic.