http://www.warhammer-empire.com/library/danse/counsel.phpThe Counsel of the Halberdier“Ah, Trooper Jasper, do come in, please take a seat.” The priest waved his hand towards a chair in front of the impressive desk behind which he was seated.
“I’ll be with you in a moment, I just have to finish these new guidelines for all the sergeants. We’ve listed out some new rules and regulations with regard to new recruits.”
Brother Harald scratched a couple more lines with his quill, and blew gently on the drying ink, and placed the parchment to one side on the wooden surface.
“Now Jasper, you seem to have made quite a mess of the mess.” He chuckled at his own joke, and smiled benignly at the halberdier in front of him.
Jasper stayed silent, he wasn’t sure whether he was expected to speak, but in all his years of service as a State trooper, he had learnt keeping his mouth shut was generally the safest tactic.
“Taking your halberd to the canteen furniture, and the cook’s pots is not very friendly” the priest offered further.
Jasper continued his silence.
Again the priest waited for a response, and then started again. “You have nothing to fear, anything you say to me is in confidence, and I understand, indeed the Empress understands, you have been under a great deal of strain. I am part of the new Facilities Order that she has instituted particularly to deal with this sort of situation”.
“Facilities Order?” asked Jasper quietly.
“Yes trooper Jasper – Facilities Order” replied the priest.
“Ah, I’m sorry Brother” Jasper seemed to have found his voice, “Me and the lads saw the F.O. under your name on this new office, and thought it was like the Paymaster’s ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign.”
“I mean, sir, the priests we usually meet are wielding great ‘ammers and cursing Sigmarites and evil, and such; 'Facilities' is not the sort of word I would think of.”
The Brother seemed to have gone slightly red in the face and he almost stumbled over his words, as he broke in hurriedly: “well, er, yes, umm, I can understand that, maybe I’ll get the sign changed; and yes true a lot of my brothers do take up arms, but I am more concerned with helping your welfare in a different manner.”
He continued, now seemingly on firmer ground:
“The court administratums have been concerned for some time about the levels of financial investment we are allowing to go to waste in our state regiments.
We train and equip you, tailor you into your fine Red and Yellow uniforms, and then just send you out to fight all manner of horrible foes and creatures. We want to help you, we want to look after you better.
Powerful voices at court have suggested that we should treat such important resources as yourself with more humanity, and then you will serve your Empress better.”
Harald paused, and a look of concern came to his face, as he stared at Jasper intently: “Please trooper, please tell me; what is it, that makes a man of your experience act like you did.”
There was a further pause. Jasper looked into the priest’s eyes, unsure, but he could only see sincerity in the man’s eyes.
“Well,” he started slowly, and then seeing the genuinely enquiring look across the table, he continued:
“It was the cook really, he said there was no meat left, well that was just about it. Ten days we’ve been out waiting for them Stirlanders, always ready for action, grabbing what scraps we could, when we could, and then we run into them gobbos on the march back here, and then, when we finally get back here, there’s no bloody meat left.”
Realising he had not been interrupted, Jasper continued with enthusiasm.
“Do you realise what it’s like Brother, do you? Seven years I’ve been a State halberdier, always expected to be there at the front, the first sign of any sort of trouble, rioting, outlaws, raiding Beasts or Orcs and Gobbos, spats with the other provinces……….. and every day, some toffee nosed noble captain's telling us we’re the elite, we’re the best; and every week it's the same - drill, training, more drill, more training all through the week, and then every flippin' weekend we're in a bloody great battle - can't remember the last time I had a Saturday or Sunday off."
It was the trooper’s turn to pause looking for acknowledgement, and he realised that the robed figure had his head down and was frantically scribbling notes. At Jasper’s silence, Harald looked up and excitedly shook his head, his face again expressing enthusiasm to hear more.
Content he had a captive audience, Jasper spoke slowly and forcefully; “Utter Crap,” and after a fresh pause to allow his words to sink in, he began again:
“Less than one in ten of us has a shield, but those poxy swordsmen, oh no, they’ve
all got shields, and so have the bloody spearmen, even they get them before us. So what happens – we see all the bloody arrows coming our way – we may be flipping clever with our halberds at chopping up the enemy, but they know it, and they also know you can’t chop much with a shaft in your chest.”
“And that’s another thing,” Jasper was now in full flow, “Poxy breastplates, I’ve seen thicker messhall plates, even the bloody gobos can put a shaft into one of my mates nearly half the time. If we’re ‘elite’ why don’t we get elite blinking armour? They make the good stuff for those poncey greatswords – waste of time that is – they hardly ever leave their nice comfy barracks.”
“Then there’s them lily livered detachments, we get stuck in and nine times out of ten, they’re nowhere to be seen, run off ‘cos some dog has growled at ‘em, ............ and the cavalry where are they – running off up the bloody field out of position, that’s where; .......... those poufy pistoliers showing off and usually getting swatted, and the ‘holy’ bloody knightly orders they just prance around in their solid tin cans, safe as houses, and we’re left nose to nose with rank upon rank of the enemy, ranks that our freaking finest artillery are supposed to have softened up a bit – and that’s a joke too, softened up, the only thing they can soften up is a hillside a hundred yards behind their target, that’s if the bloody machines manage to fire at all. If them damned gunners spent as much time cleaning their guns as they did chasing the women around the baggage train, maybe they’d hit what they aimed at a bit more.”
Jasper paused for breath:
“And that’s another thing – the camp followers, the women, my god where do they come from? You’re lucky these days if there’s one under thirty, that doesn’t need a sack over her head. Time was a state halberdier was a bloody good catch, and all the pretty young girls would follow us all over the Empire, not today mind, they’re either getting jobs in the stables, bending over with their blouse buttons half undone in front of the pistoliers, or cooing at the greatswords in their local tavern.”
The halberdier halted, and reflecting on his rant, looked across at the priest faintly embarrassed. Brother Harald looked up from his scratchings, and nodded reassuringly.
“This is all very interesting Jasper. We have suspected for some time now, that you and your colleagues were suffering this sort of discrimination.”
”You are quite right, and to be truthful I am surprised you have coped with this sort of stress for so long. It is no wonder you reacted as you did.
The Ottillia has given me full power to deal with this situation, and I will be recommending immediate action.
The blacksmiths will start work on your new equipment, and I think our cavalry and artillery commanders could do with a refresher course in both tactics and man management.
In the meantime I will instruct your captain that you and your regiment can have a month’s rest and recuperation, back home in Talabecland.
You may go now, the cook has had some fresh supplies today, and there is a rather splendid meal ready.
Jasper rose to his feet, stuttering his thanks, and backed towards the door bowing fawningly, finally turning away as his hand found the door latch.
“Oh Jasper,” said Brother Harald, and suddenly fearful that something was wrong, the halberdier turned his head back to catch Harald’s eye.
The serious face of the Priest stared at him and spoke slowly:
“I think I’ll have a word with one or two of my acolytes – see if they can spread a few rumours around about the halberdiers improved status, - maybe even suggest you’re all getting a pay rise” then he winked, and continued;
“Especially around the stables and that tavern.”
[............ with apologies to the Brothers Grimm]
