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Author Topic: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle - The Legend  (Read 252316 times)

Offline warhammerlord_soth

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1325 on: May 19, 2008, 02:49:27 PM »
*realises Philly was wearing pants*
Have one  on Midaski's tab.  :::cheers:::
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Offline jlutin

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1326 on: May 19, 2008, 02:53:18 PM »
 :icon_eek:    :ph34r:

 ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic::
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Offline phillyt

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1327 on: May 19, 2008, 03:07:15 PM »
Well, it was more like a kilt... rendered stiff with "emissions"

 :evil:'

We need an evil icon with a bighat...

Done.



Phil
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Offline Mathi Alfblut

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1328 on: May 19, 2008, 03:37:08 PM »
*A loud explosion is heard and screams rise from the corrupted and heretics that are caught in the blazing fury. Minotaurs twists in pain and flees back to their secret hideouts. Several becomes gunned down by the rapid fire of repeating handguns.

McKnight tries to flee but is caught in the blast of a holy handgrenade and is seared by the holy flames of Sigmars wrath.

Sorry McKnight, but this must be done in the name of precaution. We cannot risk an eventual heresy from you. Sigmar will look after you if you are innocent, but then, that proves nothing.

 ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic::
 ::heretic::McKnight ::heretic::
 ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic::

The evil beastpope Philly snarls and starts doing sassy moves with his fancy blade. The figure opposed to him sigh and unloads his Repeating handgun, loaded with blessed ammunition into Philly. With a sound bash from the mighty Hammer of Judgement, Phillys precious blade is sent flying down into the basement where it is draged away by some strange rodents. The second swing send Philly down after the blade, but instead landing on soft rodents, he hits a derelict inquisition pain rack and starts wailing in full pleasure. He fails to notice how some glowing eyes, many of them infact, observes him and are taken by suprise when a horde of vengeful cats, all carrying the sign of Sigmar on their forehead, lands allover him. Despite his horrendous injuries, Philly runs screaming, frantically trying to protect his fancy hat from the claws and jaws of the enraged felines, into the depth of the cellar, finally finding refuge in his special "dung room".
The cats leaves him to sulk in his misery.

The Warrior priests sighs and walks up to the brave jedi and drags him to his feets.

"Ah, see, there is nothing some honest grenades, a repeating handgun and a honest Sigmarite priest standard issue hammer cannot do, well, mine is blessed, but you get the idea. Now, go and get those wounds looked after, laddie!"

Mathi then shouts down to Philly.

"Now stay there beastie, or I shall come and hold an exercise in urban combat in your cellar with the most fanatical company of Sigmarite devotees I can find. And armed with Repeating hand guns just to make some nice old rattle! Or, by the way, I just send down some exterminators and have them cleanse the cellar with fire and petrol. Now, I am sure the authorities protecting the welfare of cattle would mind such drastic measures, but I can take that if I must.
However, I think they and those animal welfare folk are so bothersome so I would be happy not to have too unless you give me a reason.

So beastman, remain with your dung!

What is wrong with you all? I am gone for a weekend and find the place overrun with beasts and minotaurs and whatnot! I think I will have to do a collective repentive burning of all of you, but I must meditate on that first! However, I will recive confessions this evening, but you bloody well confess properly or Mr RHG may take offense!
Oh, and remember GW made it personal, not you!

Offline phillyt

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1329 on: May 19, 2008, 04:10:36 PM »
Ah silly viking warpriest-reanctor, oh that such would so easy.  The slaughterers blade is but a prop compared to the power of the Big Hat.

And while you were gone, I took the liberty of coating the Chapter house with pornography, seeding it into the foundation and leaving it on the insides of the bathroom stalls.  Your little inquisition is no more, for it has been corrupted by the only thing you war priests have no conception of: Nudity and the beauty of the female form.

*The beast climbs back up the stairs, his shiny Big Hat still firmly affixed to his horns* 

You see, you cannot hope to win, for from my stable base I have carefully trained Siberius in the necromantic arts.  From the Pits of the Banned we dragged danny.  We consumed his body in bits then vomited him into a mold crafted by my feline friends from their own dung.  Wound with care by furry little hands, this mound of stink produced a form truly mighty in shape.  Siberius' power is complete, for he is mighty in magic and skilled in the cullinary arts.  He cooked dyslexic danny into the very essence of chaos, a form twisted and mighty.

*from the pits danny slowly shambles, a twisted mockery of a cat, oozing vomit, bile, cat shit, and sexual paraphanalia*

See how he dances with... err.... grace?  He is a sight to behold!  While his new form is incapable of typing at a keyboard we felt this was for the best.  So now, you see I do not need my Slaughterers blade, I have danny, the mighty Siberius, and the unstpable danny.  I control the Pits, the dungeons, and the very foundation of the chapter house.  I have seeded porn into the minds of your followers, and I have removed my kilt/loin cover.  I am now ready to spray my tainted seed across the inquisition like some hideous fire hydrant releasing its precious fluids to the delight of onlookers!  Rise Minotaurs!  Rise the burned and the damned.  The irrational and ineffective flaming of the inquisition is at an end!

*danny poops a little*

Phil

« Last Edit: May 19, 2008, 04:28:51 PM by PhillyT »
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Offline Gneisenau

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1330 on: May 19, 2008, 04:12:09 PM »
I'm having double vision already, it seems, from all the rubbish posted here :icon_eek:

Offline Mathi Alfblut

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1331 on: May 19, 2008, 04:22:52 PM »
Oh my, Philly. That was an able speech, but why did you have to repeat it twice? Made you sort of look a bit... foolish. Ran out of words?

And as you ranted and looked so proudly on your horns and hat, you failed to see this one coming...

*The Big hammer of balls comes in an upward swing and gets a bullseye on Phillys genitals.

"Fore! Did you think we would be nice and fair Philly? Now get down there and keep your plotting or I will make you unable to molest any cat in the future. Now get down before you force me to get mean on you all!"



Oh, and remember GW made it personal, not you!

Offline phillyt

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1332 on: May 19, 2008, 04:31:10 PM »
Fixed!

Ah you forget Mathi, we slaanesh whorshipers have hardened our balls through the years, the accumulation of sadomasichistic scarring and KY jelly residue.  Add to that the protection of the Big Hat and your little hammer is useless when used on such fertile loins.  Besides, it is not I or the mighty Siberius you must fear, it is danny.  He is chaos unbound!  Totally nonsensical and capable of causing fury and irritation with his every nasty step!

Phil
Where did she touch you Eight? Show us on the doll.

Offline Perambulator

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1333 on: May 19, 2008, 05:58:58 PM »
Tsk Tsk. What a shame. You burn McKnight on his 2nd Warhammer-Empire.com anniversary. Have you no consideration?
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Offline McKnight

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1334 on: May 19, 2008, 06:15:04 PM »
 :icon_redface:
"Me? I'm practically perfect in every way!"- Rufas the eccentric.
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Offline Alexander de Wissont

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1335 on: May 19, 2008, 06:44:57 PM »
Sigmar's slips!
Now we have a lawyer aid to burnt men?
 :Ohmy:

And you cannot burn a big shit while I'm a shit, goatman!
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Offline Perambulator

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1336 on: May 19, 2008, 06:49:09 PM »
No aid. Just making an observation.
Quote from: Johan Willhelm
Quote from: Dendo Star
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I bet "Animal" has Frenzy . . .

Offline phillyt

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1337 on: May 19, 2008, 07:03:17 PM »
And you cannot burn a big shit while I'm a shit, goatman!

We don't burn people bearded elvis, now get in line and away from this old and busted burning thing you boys have been on for months.  The old are dead, in with the new!

Big Hats for all!

Phil
Where did she touch you Eight? Show us on the doll.

Offline Mathi Alfblut

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1338 on: May 19, 2008, 09:09:52 PM »
No big hats for me, I prefer my kettle hat mind you. Better for giving your foe a bloody snout.
So you are playing hardballs, are you Philly?
*Mathi give Philly a well practiced headbutt on the sensible beasty snout

"You may have big hat, but I have a hardhat!" :biggriin:
(By the way, would not the Sigmar priests look awesome in kettlehats?)

But sure, I have wanted to do a proper purge of this place for a long time. And where are the big shits. And watch it Preambulator, I am the one in contact with Sigmar here and with the connections to the Church! I know who is guilty and who is not!
Oh, and remember GW made it personal, not you!

Offline rufus sparkfire

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1339 on: May 19, 2008, 09:17:11 PM »
The old are dead, in with the new!

I'd say the lunatics have taken over the asylum, but it's actually not that different.


Quote
Big Hats for all!

Secret chaos dwarf fan?
Hey, I could still beat up a woman!
If I wanted to.

Offline phillyt

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1340 on: May 20, 2008, 12:03:27 PM »
No big hats for me, I prefer my kettle hat mind you. Better for giving your foe a bloody snout.
So you are playing hardballs, are you Philly?
*Mathi give Philly a well practiced headbutt on the sensible beasty snout

"You may have big hat, but I have a hardhat!" :biggriin:
(By the way, would not the Sigmar priests look awesome in kettlehats?)

What?!!?  Warpriests in helmets??!

I am undone!  Fine then!  I will receed into the depths once more.  I call a truce, I rule the Pits and the cells, you can have the well decorated upper floors.  You throw down a heretic now and then and I won't poop in the halls at night.  And danny needs to be let out to use the bathroom twice a day, and to fetch tennis balls at from 5 - 6pm everynight.  Maybe you can get an underling to do that.  That would be nice.

The Big Hat Beastman has lost this day, but mark my words, like the tide, chaos will return to be beaten back by the forces of the empire every thrid year, unless we are doing it in 40k, in which case it will be the Imperium with lasguns (stupid name, lasguns.  Its laser guns!).

rufus:  Big hatted swarves... who thought that was a good idea!

Phil
Where did she touch you Eight? Show us on the doll.

Offline Alexander de Wissont

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1341 on: May 20, 2008, 02:47:49 PM »
I think, Philly, you're alone against us... And with or without beards, or hats, we're manlier and imperialer (hey, that's a good word! ) than a goatman dressed in Stars & Stripes who believes that the coolest god is a drug-addicted, nymphomaniac hermaphrodite, not a guy whose priests are bald and have hammers. Uff. I talked.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2008, 02:53:22 PM by Alexander de Wissont »
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Offline Mathi Alfblut

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1342 on: May 20, 2008, 03:07:37 PM »
Oh, I will make sure you get a heretic every now and then, Philly. If I cannot find one I will just round up the usual suspects. There is alway more heretics around, even if you cannot find them.

And Wissmont, mind you. Had it not been for my innovative use of my good old kettlehat, that so many have seem to have forgotten, you might have been undone!

(On a different idea, a Priest with a kettlehat would be one awesome mini. I got to see what can be done...)

Anyway, we got to clean up this mess and find a heretic or two, one to amuse Philly and one for burning. Do we have any suspects?
Oh, and remember GW made it personal, not you!

Offline Obi

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1343 on: May 20, 2008, 03:07:54 PM »
The halls of the inquisition have been tainted! I say we vacate this building and build a new one! Let's burn this thing to the ground first though, to get rid of some last heretics, beastmen and dyslectics. And of course, to roast some marshmallows!

Hello Athiuen and welcome to the Back Table.

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Offline Alexander de Wissont

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1344 on: May 20, 2008, 03:14:38 PM »
 ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic::
 ::heretic:: The Inquisition's Building         ::heretic::
 ::heretic:: With Philly and some others in  ::heretic::
 ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic:: ::heretic::
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Offline McKnight

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1345 on: May 20, 2008, 03:28:19 PM »
I don't like this... We have too many rogue (im not saying rouge again Midaski) inquisitors... The high command did not authorize the burning of our own damn chapter house... Do you have any idea of how expensive it is to build a new one?

Jeez...
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Offline Alexander de Wissont

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1346 on: May 20, 2008, 03:50:03 PM »
I  guess it's done in 14 minutes on travian.

I'll pay the building, if I can sell Philly's pelt... Goatman skin is very expensieve these days.
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Offline Helborg

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1347 on: May 20, 2008, 03:51:42 PM »
I  guess it's done in 14 minutes on travian.

I'll pay the building, if I can sell Philly's pelt... Goatman skin is very expensieve these days.

(kills alexander) the inqusition stays dead  :icon_evil:

Sanj
i should really pull my trousers up now.  :icon_eek:

Offline Wyzer1

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1348 on: May 20, 2008, 04:18:41 PM »
...

Alright, who burned down the chapel?  :?

Well, we don't have all this slave funding defficient labor for nothing, lets get to work building the next one as an effigy of myself

To help better the Inquisition along of course  :engel:

And armed guards ... besides the stray beastmen there seem to be far too many heretics in here...

And I still can't believe someone would want to burn the chappel down

Man when Rufas finds out they torched his supply of Bugmans! (just kidding, he has those in a solid Gromril vault)
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Offline McKnight

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Re: Sigmarite Holy Inquisitiorial Tabernacle
« Reply #1349 on: May 20, 2008, 04:25:06 PM »
I heard that Halberdiers are quite cheap and looking for work these days... Maybe we can hire them as guards?  :icon_rolleyes:

I wouldnt mind having a statue of you wyzer... as long as i get my own... In the shape of Salacious B Crumb  :eusa_clap:
"Me? I'm practically perfect in every way!"- Rufas the eccentric.
Rufas had Two Ton Sally. I have Silicon Sally!
EuroBashes attended: 1