One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard me say a bad word about about him?"
**************
At The Marriage Counselor's After 25 years of marriage, a man and his wife came in for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in their 25 years of marriage.
She went on and on -- neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable -- a long list of unmet needs in their quarter-century of marriage.
After allowing this go on for a sufficient length of time, the marriage counselor finally stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth.
The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down.
The therapist turned to her husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?"
The husband thought for a moment, then replied, "Well, Doc, I can drop her off here on Monday's and Wednesday's, but on the other days I play golf."
***********************
The Seven Kinds Of Sex The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you have sex until you are both blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex, which means you get nun in the morning, nun in the afternoon and nun at night.
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex: This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month ... but not enough to live on.
**************
At The Sperm Bank A man wearing a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun.
"Open the safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".
"Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your head off!"
She obliges and opens the safe door.
"Take one of the bottles and drink it!" says the masked man.
"But it's full of sperm," the girl replies nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink it" he says.
She pries off the cap and gulps it down.
"Take out another one and drink it, too!" he demands.
The girl drinks another one.
Suddenly the guy pulls off the mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband.
"Not that damn difficult, is it?" he says.
*****************
At Last! A Worthy Pyramid Scheme
Read the instructions carefully, then simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates/friends.
Instructions 1. Anaesthetize your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton, (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list.
Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post. Statistically, among those women, there will be at least:
-- 0.5 Miss Worlds,
-- 2.5 models,
-- 463 wild nymphos,
-- 3,234 good-looking nymphos,
-- 20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms,
-- and 40,198 bi-sexual women.
In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old hag you posted off.
And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you.
DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER!!
One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial expression on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter).
While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages.
YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL!!!
This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women) just so that you can bonk her. No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement.
Do not hesitate ... send this letter today to 9 of your best friends!
