Author Topic: The Strength of Man.  (Read 754 times)

Offline Caiaphus

  • Posts: 245
  • Only the dead have seen the end of war- MacArthur
The Strength of Man.
« on: July 27, 2007, 05:59:52 AM »
Heres a small little piece that I'm going to put in for an English assignment. Any critiques or suggestions?

Some say the strength of men lay in its power of arms. In its ability to make war, and to destroy. Throughout history, this has been a power that man has shown. His creativity and ingenuity has shown itself supreme time and time again. Man has been warring for centuries. It began with some clever cave man hitting another cave man on the head with a rock, and we haven’t stopped to contemplate,

When we aren’t fighting each other, we are fighting all else. Fighting the environment, waging an endless war on the trees and the oceans. Fighting all other races and beings who are intent on destroying us. Or we are fighting disease, the pox, or the illness. The constant battle of microscopic beings in the body of a dying man, or the faceless corporation killing and destroying in the name of commerce and profit margins. The death of a hundred sentient beings who died for a small stretch of land.

We have never been without war. Without pain, without the ability to destroy, and enslave. The power of life is a powerful thing.. When there is so much power, some will abuse it. The power to take life is an even more powerful thing. The most powerful thing in this world. The ability to kill, the ability to take a life. The power to look into someone’s eyes, and see the light in them blink out.

Others say, the greatest strength of men, lay in its ability to care, his ability to see a problem, and strive to fix it. That the strength of mind to help someone else is what sets us apart from the beasts. Who can say?

Both may be right, or both may be wrong. Even the very wise cannot be sure of all ends. The future is a tricky thing, and none can discern it. We may try, hoping that the heavens and certain mystical deities will assist us in the unraveling of what lies ahead. Trying, and praying to reveal secrets that are best left alone.

 Discovering what the future holds has always been a driving force. We have always hoped that if we could tell what lies in the murky fogs of time, that we could somehow cheat fate, to rob death of its sting, to take away that which we fear most. Fear itself.

For, if we knew what would happen every day of every week, would we fear the unknown? How can the unknown be feared, if we know what the fear is?

We are a young race, a babe. A small child, with glittering eyes, and smooth skin. We know little, and care little of the horrors that may be facing us. We are like the little child, who, bursting with curiosity touches the hot plate on a blazing fire. Then, amongst our cries, and curses, we decide we will do it again. And again. And we will keep doing it, until we destroy the pain, or the pain destroys us.

We have taken our first steps into things best left alone, and who knows where our next step may take us? We have no ideas what, or who, could be waiting. Waiting, just preparing to pounce, and steal from us our joy of ignorance.

We have much potential, we humans. Our resourcefulness, ingenuity, and stubbornness to not lie down and die, will take us far. Given the chance, we could rise above all else, and strive for the stars. Strive for immortality. We could strive for supreme power, a land where all are happy. But I have seen the future. And it is not a happy place.

 It is a place of monsters, of heroes, and great armies, and mighty strengths. The future heralds a dark age. It heralds a bloody age. It heralds an age of daemons, and of sorcery. It heralds an age of death, and battle.

The Future heralds the end of the world.
« Last Edit: July 27, 2007, 07:38:10 AM by Caiaphus »
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Offline Rosencrantz

  • Posts: 208
Re: The Strength of Man.
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2007, 07:21:24 PM »
What is the title of the assignment? I'm not sure where you're posting from, but my experience with the British system is that the question is everything. The reason I ask this is that your angle seems a little unfocussed. The consideration on what the strength of Man may be is good stuff, and the discussion on the factor the future plays enhances this, but the very Gamesworkshop-esque end paragraph seems to be a half-justified answer to all the questions you've posed eloquently thus far.

I would suggest changing that to an equally evocative paragraphy offering the age of death offset against the utopia as the end result of Man's curiosity. Essentially that is my only really big suggestion to make. A few small ones would be to perhaps weed out some of the cliché's - "fear of fear itself" maybe, or the fear of the unkown presented as synonymous with fear itself.

If you have a few spare words left, I did rather like the idea on the power of life. From there I personally (this is up to you to take or leave of course) would sharpen it up into "power to kill" or "power to create and destroy life" - the awesome power of creating life is something often overlooked and may put you in good stead. Oh, and finally I'd shuffle the paragraph organisation to try and make fewer, longer paragraphs - for some reason teachers seem to find this more attractive to read than lots of short ones no matter how good they are

Hope that was constructive,

Rosencrantz  :mellow:
"I'faith, Fortune's private parts we"