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Author Topic: Igor Waster van Dwi and the Serch for Tlanxia's Ring  (Read 1258 times)

Offline Captain Dob Van Dwi

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Igor Waster van Dwi and the Serch for Tlanxia's Ring
« on: May 01, 2011, 10:45:48 AM »
More fluff! *Gasp* :Ohmy: :ph34r:

Yes I know I allready have two other storys on this froum but I am doeing a LOT of writing these days anyway so I figgered what the hell.
This was also a chance to flesh out one of my chars :P

I will also be posting parts on Dogs of War online as well so if you are a member there stay tuned there aswell
***
Lustria; Late Summer 2514
Igor grunted as he slashed open the Saurus warrior open it's dark blueish blood gushing out and wetting Igor's greatsword.
He turned and impaled a skink that had been comeing up behind him.
Pulling his blade free another Saurus was slain. the top of it's skull sent flying threw the air.
His last few bodyguard and for that natter, last scraps of the great army that had delved deep in to the jungle, had formed a ring around the paychest.
Rings. Igor thought. Thats what had gotten them in this mess in the first place.
***
Two and a half months earlyer
Igor sat in the Blue Goblin tarven in Mareinburg tapping a coin against the grubby, tankard worn table, that he sat at.
The air was thick with pipe smoke and the smell of vomit and stale ale seemed to get in to everything.
Why his new boss had chosen this pice of crap to meet was beyond him.
Then again the place was filled to bersting with warriors and all other sorts of scum. Perhaps that was why General Galuci
had told him to be here.
As he watched the rooms three drunks stumbled out of the night and in to the tavarn.
Their leader was a thick armed, barrel cheasted man with a bald head and thick beard that spilled down to his cheast. He looked to be at least 54 or 55. A warrior perhaps? Or maybe he was just a thug? Looking at his Igor could see that he was raveing drunk, right up until he passed out in the bar stool and hit the floor snoreing like a prize wining pot belly pig.
He did not bother turning his head the next time he heard the door open again. He heard foot steps walking towards him.
"You Igor van Dwi?" asked a deep Tilean voice next to him
"Igor Waster van Dwi. You are?"
"I am General Valadini Galuci de Verezzo of Tilea. I am your new boss. I was at first frimly against this but my fr......"
Igor nodded and looked him over as he talked.
He was at least 43 amd a big man, made even bigger by his half plate. His skin was like leather and his hair was pulled back in a tale. A long white lock grew from a scar than ran from his right temple and down and over to his left eye, though his scar was mostly covered by his eye patch.
His belt was think and heavy. At it was a thin bladed sword and matching dagger and a heavy pistol of the Imperial style.
Over his back was a heavy dobble handed warhammer that had belonged do doubt to a Warrior Priest of Sigmar ay one point.
His thicklt stubbled, leather like face snarled as he talked
".... And so hear I am takeing on a new dog in the face of death with no training in the ways of war. Not onlt that but I am takeing him to Lustria a damn hateful place serching for some damn ring and ... are you hereing me boy?!?"
"Yes sir"
"Good" Valadini said sitting down next to Igor "Well do you have anything to say for yourself?"
"Just thank you sir"
"HA! You won't thank me when we get where we are goeing"
"Yes Lustria, I know"
"Know anything about it?" Valadini asked
"I have read a few books" Igor replied
"A few books won't help you lad" Valadini said leaning forward "I have been there, I know whats there, I have seen the vile things that live there with my own eyes" he paused 'Or eye rather" he added with a grim smile pokeing threw the thick stubble.
Igor nodded and gulped down a little. The look in the mans eye said he knew what he was on about.
"Anywho due to your lack of skill and most other things for that matter I will put you near the back of our battle lines. You said you had skill with money? Used to be a merchant? A banker?"
"Yes"
 "Well just as it happens I don't have a paymaster. You'll do good at it I think and a paymaster's place is at the back of the battle lines defending the paychest normaly so you have even more reason other than my say so to stay back"
"Thank you Sir"
"No problem> Now he said you will want to know what we are doeing now don't ya?"
"Something about a ring right?"
"Yup but I think you should talk to the benafactor of our little stint. He will tell all"
With that Igor got up with Valadini and left the Blue Goblin and walked down the streets of Mareinburg.
I choose too keep "Old Warhammer" alive with my blood sweat and tears.

It's bad that warhammer might die but it would be a tragedy if it stays dead!

Offline Le Pistolet

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Re: Igor Waster van Dwi and the Serch for Tlanxia's Ring
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2011, 11:32:39 AM »
I really liked this piece  :eusa_clap:

I found it easier to read, I think your spelling and grammar have improved significantly. I liked the style too, I like the way you tell stories through the persons thoughts and dialogue with other characters, something I find hard to do. I'd like to see more of this  :happy:

The Barony of Sonnefurt - My Army Background

Sonnefurt in Flames- An Epic Tale of Sonnefurt

Le Pistolet's Monotonous Wissenland Log- My Minis

Offline Captain Dob Van Dwi

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Re: Igor Waster van Dwi and the Serch for Tlanxia's Ring
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2011, 11:44:26 AM »
Thank you. This this also serves as a thing for you to understand Igor a bit. After all with the Baroness takeing on suters for marrage it's rather stubid takeing them without knowing anything about him :P
I choose too keep "Old Warhammer" alive with my blood sweat and tears.

It's bad that warhammer might die but it would be a tragedy if it stays dead!

Offline Le Pistolet

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Re: Igor Waster van Dwi and the Serch for Tlanxia's Ring
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2011, 11:51:05 AM »
I made the link, good to know he has a bit of a backstory  :happy:

I wonder if the ring he seeks will reappear 12 years later...
The Barony of Sonnefurt - My Army Background

Sonnefurt in Flames- An Epic Tale of Sonnefurt

Le Pistolet's Monotonous Wissenland Log- My Minis

Offline Captain Dob Van Dwi

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Re: Igor Waster van Dwi and the Serch for Tlanxia's Ring
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2011, 11:57:32 AM »
He still has it on him to tell the turth!
I choose too keep "Old Warhammer" alive with my blood sweat and tears.

It's bad that warhammer might die but it would be a tragedy if it stays dead!

Offline Captain Dob Van Dwi

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Re: Igor Waster van Dwi and the Serch for Tlanxia's Ring
« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2011, 03:19:49 AM »
Lustria, late summer 2514

Igor slashed again and another skink was slashed in two.
Franticly looking about Igor saw that the Sarus had broken threw the lines at the rear of the defenceve ring. The blood turely begain to flow.
"Box!" Igor yelled to his body guards "Form a box around the chest!"
As his body guard did as he ordered a small man, no a dwarf came joging up holding a banner. The army's banner
"Worthless fools!" The Dwarf roared "Why do you not fight!?!"
"Shut up Harkii" Igour said with gritted teeth. He was in no mood bor the young dwarf's anger right now "Fall in!" He hissed
"You think to or....."
"If you don't help you die and don't get payed!!!" Igor roared
Sunddenly Harkii did not want to argue.
Damn Dwarfs Igor thought Dealing with the lizardmen was harg enough he did not need a damn greedy stunty barking at his too

Igor he thought How did you ever get youself talked in to this? Ah yes the money, it's allways the money
***
Three months earyler

"So will you help" The spindly thin man said
"I guess" Igor replied
"Without even knowing what we are going to do" The spindly thin man asked
"It's good money. For that I can over look that" Igor said
"Yes onehundred thousand silver crowns it nothing to sneze at"

The spindly thin man stood up and looked Igor right in the eye
Hanz Carkov. rougeish member at the very edeges of the Light Collage's laws, was rather unnerving. His hunch back and long flecey soft, white beard gave him a wisened sage look but behind his eyes Igor could see the deadly knowlage. The shearpower that flowed of him made Igor wiche in fearful respect
Hanz seemed to notice this

"Have to fear young one" He said in a ragged age worn voice "I don't bite"
Before Igor could from a repley the old wizard lord hobbled along to one of the great maney book and covered his writeing desk, picked it up and then hobbled back and opened it and fliped it pages
"As much as you don't care young man I do and I will not have my warriors not knowing what we are looking for" He fliped two mare pages
"Here we are" He said "This my boy is the jurnal of one Raul de Soda. I am sure you know him"
"He worked for the father of my line, Dob van Dwi" Igor said
"Very much so my boy" Hanz said "Look here"

Hanz turned Raul's book around and pointed to a drawing "See that" he asked
"Yes. What dose Raul have writen here?" Igor turned his head slightly to read "The Ring of Tlanxia? What dose that mean?"
"Tell me young Igor have you ever heard of the Lizardmen?" Hanz asked
"Yes that one tilan wrote of them" Igor said
"Yes marco did indeed write of them" He pointed at the book "This Ring belongs to one of their gods. The war god Tlanxia"
"What of it?"
"Raul found it....."
« Last Edit: July 25, 2011, 03:25:52 AM by Captain Dob Van Dwi »
I choose too keep "Old Warhammer" alive with my blood sweat and tears.

It's bad that warhammer might die but it would be a tragedy if it stays dead!

Offline Le Pistolet

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Re: Igor Waster van Dwi and the Serch for Tlanxia's Ring
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2011, 10:10:00 PM »
Another good piece, its a cool story, and I still want to read more, the updates are short and fast paced, but are keeping me intrigued.

You wanted feedback though so here's a couple of things I noticed:

Repetition:
Slashed twice in the first sentence- I'm sure there are some more words to use but this was a very minor thing
"Spindly thin man". I get you didn't want to reveal his name right away, but you could have shortened the description of him just the        man, the old man, or the thin man or something rather than repeating yourself

Spell check on a few words too, but that's very minor.

All in all it's really good, but these things would make it flow a little better and detract less from the story telling.  :icon_wink:
The Barony of Sonnefurt - My Army Background

Sonnefurt in Flames- An Epic Tale of Sonnefurt

Le Pistolet's Monotonous Wissenland Log- My Minis

Offline Captain Dob Van Dwi

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Re: Igor Waster van Dwi and the Serch for Tlanxia's Ring
« Reply #7 on: August 01, 2011, 10:27:23 PM »
Thank ya.
I choose too keep "Old Warhammer" alive with my blood sweat and tears.

It's bad that warhammer might die but it would be a tragedy if it stays dead!