Topic: Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks [Reader Discretion Is Adviced]

[Karak Norn Clansman]

The reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan is a famous piece of correspondence, which may or may not have happened.

First, the Ottoman letter to the troublesome Cossacks:

Sultan Mehmed IV to the Zaporozhian Cossacks:

As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the sun and moon; grandson and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God Himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians - I command you, the Zaporogian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks.

--Turkish Sultan Mehmed IV

To which the Zaporozhian Cossacks answered:

Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!

O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked ****? The devil *****, and your army eats. Thou shalt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, **** thy mother.

Thou Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-********** of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's ****, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!

So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our ****!

- Koshovyi otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host

Painting by Ilya Repin (1891)

[Artobans Ghost]

That is the funniest historical response I have ever read. If I was the sultan, I would frame this response

[GamesPoet]

Quite the diplomatic exchange, to say the least!

[GamesPoet]

By the way, I have a small Zaporozhian Cossack army in 15mm.  I have it base coated and glued to sticks for eventual painting.  I love them!